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The Self-Esteem Secret

Sunday, March 11, 2018 at 12:00 AM
Category: Life Coaching

The Self-Esteem Secret



Have you ever thought about what really creates self-esteem? It is alright, we All have. Having a deep sense of inner worth is important to all of us however, many people have some false beliefs about what creates confidence in our own merit as individuals.


Some of the common false beliefs regarding what creates self-esteem are:


    * I will feel good about myself when I am making $______( you fill in the amount) a year.


    * I will feel worthy when I am in a relationship with a (beautiful) (handsome) (wealthy)
       (loving) (fill in your own) person.


    * I will feel worthy when I get enough approval from enough people.


    * I will feel adequate when I have a baby.


    * I will feel adequate when_______( fill in desired outcome that you attach to your sense
       of worth).


However, there are many people who have all of the above and still do not feel a deep sense of self-esteem. That is because self-esteem has nothing to do with anything externally, such as looks, approval, money, relationships with others, or having a baby…none of it.


Self-esteem, or the lack thereof it, is solely the result of how we feel about and treat ourselves. The people who pay attention to their own feelings and needs with loving action on their own behalf feel good about themselves. While those people who ignore, invalidate, or judge their own feelings and needs, feel badly about themselves.


For example, Amber grew up with parents who were hardworking and very caring about their children, but who did not take good care of themselves. Both of her parents smoked, drank too much, and did not eat well. Neither of them took responsibility for their own feelings, so both of them were anxious or depressed most of the time. Even though both of her parents were loving to her, Amber does not take good care of herself either as she has had no role modeling for personal responsibility, She does not eat well or get enough exercise, doesn’t stand up for herself at home or at work, and does not get enough rest or playtime. She is very attractive, makes lots of money, has a husband and children, yet often feels very insecure and alone.


Once you notice that her feelings and needs are like a child within, you can begin to see why she does not feel good about herself. Treating herself badly will always result in feeling badly, without fail. You might be tempted to think that she treats herself badly because she doesn’t feel good about herself, and that is true however, she will not feel good about herself until she treats herself as a worthwhile person. Her good feelings will come from her loving actions toward herself. The more loving action she is willing to take on her own behalf – taking physical, emotional, financial, organizational, relationship, and spiritual responsibility – the better she will feel about herself and the easier she will be able to move forward.


You may ask, how can Amber be motivated to take loving care of herself when she does not feel good about herself? It seems like a vicious circle, yet there is a way out. Amber doesn’t feel motivated to take care of herself because she thinks that who she is, is her ego, the wounded part of herself whom she does not like. Yet, if Amber opens to knowing who she really is - that she is a beautiful and perfect creation of The Universe, that her essence, her true Self is a spark of Divinity, created in the image of the Source of Creation - she will want to take loving care of this wonderful soul within her body.


When Amber begins to take loving care of herself, her wounded self, the part of herself that has low self-esteem, begins to heal. The more Amber feeds herself well, gets enough exercise and rest, speaks up for herself and tells her truth, takes care of her financial situation, organizes her time and environment, treats others with loving kindness and compassion, and opens to her Spiritual Guidance or Higher Power, the better she will feel about herself. Self-esteem is the result of taking loving action, not the cause of it. Since we all have free will, we each have the choice to take loving action on our own behalf… Will You?


It does not matter how poorly you were treated as a child, or how badly your parents treated themselves. Your actions should Never be directed by your past. If you devote yourself, moment-by-moment, to taking loving action on our own behalf, you will discover that the result can only be higher self-esteem. It all starts within You!



I Believe In You!
Bryan Shumway

P.S. Would you love to have support in discovering, blueprinting and building your dreams?
In between my coaching and speaking schedule, I carve out some time for a few of my “Unleashing Your Inner BadAss” sessions each month that I give away as a gift from my heart to yours. If you would like to have one of these sessions, simply Click Here  Choose a date and schedule some one-on-one time with me. Let’s explore the vision you have for your life…Together!



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